I apologize for the lack of updates, but I have news.
I have officially put up a listing for custom portraits! You can find it here: http://www.etsy.com/listing/151734982/custom-graphite-portrait-drawing?ref=cat_gallery_5
Also, if you would like to be more frequently updated, I am on Facebook here: http://www.favebook.com/pagentstorm.labrat
Nightmares of a repeated past.
Why can’t I move on? PTSD is a hitch.
Screw you, bladder!
I’m so tired of this. I had a bladder spasm in my sleep again. Yay for wetting the bed at 6am. Now I’m up and can’t seem to go back to sleep. What a surprise.
For people who glamourize chronic illness, this is what I take every day…and I still feel defective. Being this way isnt fun. Stop treating us like we should enjoy this.
Do you ever havr times where you can’t remember someone’s name and when you look and see it, it seems wrong? Bad thing is, it always happens to me when it’s someone I have known for a long time.
add me on your xim?
I dont understand how I’m supposed to live this way.
I’m told by doctors that I need to be more active socially and whatnot in order to better manage my pain…
But I only get an extra $100/month to live on after paying my part of the bills. Take ~$35 off that for dog food. So I have ~$65 to be “social” and do things. I can’t drive. I have to have transportation. Then, I need money for food/water and things while I’m gone. Then you have the money for whatever the decided thing is. Wanna go see a movie? There goes $10 for a ticket alone! Want to have books to read while you’re home alone all week? Dish out some cash. Need more colored pencils for that art project? $50. Not to mention the week I’m menstruating or my copays for my prescriptions!
I want to handle things a little better and I understand that I need to do things to keep my mind busy…but I can’t afford to do anything.
I attempted to make a video with me addressing some things around mental illness/suicide but it ended up being like 15 minutes long and I was silent and trying to calm myself with deep breaths though half of it. It is incredible how just pretending to speak to someone that isnt even really there gets me all worked up and anxious. My heart rate was very unstable and I was scatterbrained and I didnt make a lot of sense and I was panicked on the inside. I WAS ALONE. JUST ME AND MY CAMERA. Ugh.
This is ridiculous.
Needless to say, I wrote down my points as I watched it back and I’m just going to make a post about it when I get it all wrote out and organized. Although, it will most likely reach less people that way. *shrugs* I tried!
Pretty boy Ansel Elgort?! Seriously?!
“Now I know I’ve got a heart…’cause it’s breaking.”
My sister decided to put makeup on me last night for no reason and this is the picture I decided to take. (This is the first time I have worn it in over a year and a half and I didnt even go anywhere.) lol
My exboyfriend decided to text me and harass me again. Supposedly I have been keeping tabs on him or something? Someone he is seeing told him that I was doing/saying some things, I guess. I have no idea who he is talking about considering I talk to a total of 2 people in my area outside of my family. Anyway, he openly admitted that I don’t talk to the individual and yet still accused me of being in his business or whatever. He said I need to be admitted into a psych ward because there’s no fixing my “kind of crazy.”
Oh and they’re going to motion for a restraining order if things don’t change.
LOL Good luck, dude.
I would also like to make some hot chamomile tea but my mom is asleep on the couch and I don’t want to wake her up.
I am so uncomfortable. I’m taking off my pants.
I just really want a blunt. I have been in so much pain and I have been so unhappy and overwhelmed with unwanted thoughts. Smoking has always helped me in so many ways. I can have some relief from my pain, I can relax, I actually get some sleep, and I am in such a better mood and I have a better outlook on life.
The problem is that I don’t have connections anymore due to my amount of social activity. Also, my mom flipped when she found out I was smoking because she didn’t want to get caught with it in the house and get kicked out and in trouble and all that.
Did I mention that the laws in Missouri are RIDICULOUS? Getting caught for possession of under 35 grams is a misdemeanor, up to a year in jail, and $1k in fines. All that because someone chose to self-medicate with a natural product that is much safer than anything a doctor would prescribe and often much more effective.